Empowered Manhood (Part 1)
When I was in college, I worked at the Tie Rack in the airport mall selling neckties. Normally I would bring my lunch in Tupperware containers and then wash them out in the bathroom after I was finished.
On this particular evening, I had just finished my lunch and was in the bathroom rinsing the used Tupperware container when a guy in the stall behind me came to my attention.
He raced out of the restroom and didn’t even wash his hands!
At about that moment I heard something strange from the other side of the restroom. It sounded like giggling, so I decided to peek around the wall to see what was up.
As I peered around the wall, I saw three women cackling to each other and whispering amongst themselves and looking over at me!
Now, my first thought was…wow, how embarrassing, those women are in the men’s restroom.
Then, as the truth of the situation sunk in, I realized no, I’m in the women’s restroom!
I felt my face get flush with warmth. Then a feeling of paralysis gripped my whole body as I stood staring at myself in the mirror.
Then it occurred to me…that guy in the stall behind me - that wasn’t a guy!
After realizing the gravity of the situation, I figured I had to do something quickly. But what!?
How was I going to save face?
How could I avoid being found out by a broader audience?
Was I going to get in trouble?
How was I going to get out of this alive!?
So, I decided to walk out of that bathroom like I owned the place like I had every right to be there as anyone else.
And that’s what I did!
In fact, as I walked out of that women’s restroom, my head held high, several women walked right by me on their way in and never looked twice at me.
This is what most of my life felt like. Always uncertain, living out of fear that one day someone would find out the truth about me and it would all be over. I thought my only recourse was to fake it and pretend like I owned the place.
What I didn’t realize was that this imposter syndrome I was struggling with was a symptom of living in the dark.
Working with men now for nearly 20 years I have noticed that this is a consistent and persistent theme.
Men in Hiding
Men today are in hiding. The darkness has become our refuge and we've gotten too comfortable with its disempowering lies.
As a result, we feel inadequate and incompetent at home and in our marriages.
We live duplicitous lives, lacking a central identity that would otherwise provide the fortitude we need to lead our families well or maintain personal integrity.
The sins of our forefathers haunt us and steal our confidence.
We fail to see the meaning and purpose in our careers.
We’re drowning in a sea of shallow acquaintances, and isolated from any deep, meaningful relationships.
As a recovering pornography addict, I am all too familiar with the struggle between light and dark, good and evil, truth, and lies.
I lived most of my life lost in the dark until I was eventually forced into the light. It was through this painful process of being exposed to the light, and learning to walk in it, that I discovered God's grace, gained freedom from the dark, and was empowered by the light.
Unfortunately for me, it took having the darkness stripped away by the light of truth through my wife walking in on me while I was on the computer looking at porn. I could no longer lie to myself or anyone else because the ugly, shameful truth had been revealed.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that God, in His mercy, had just thrown me a lifeline, although it didn’t feel like a rescue. Rather, it felt more like a violent intrusion.
The truth was that God had begun to do something miraculous in our lives through the power of His revealing light.
I would eventually learn through this painful experience that only when a man bravely steps into and embraces the light of God’s truth does he find everything he needs.
Yet this is the very thing we are convinced not to do.
Instead, we cower in the dark, afraid to be found out or have our worst fears realized - that we don’t have what it takes, that we’re incompetent, or worse, that we’re unworthy of love because of our sin.
And so, we resign ourselves to the dark because there doesn’t seem to be another way.
Light and Dark
From the very beginning, mankind has been telling stories infused with the themes of light and dark, and good and evil. Look into any compelling narrative of any significance and you will find this theme is ubiquitous, whether it is implied or explicit.
Ancient mythology and religions from every culture around the globe have used the metaphors of light and dark to illustrate the dichotomy and the battle between good and evil, truth, and lies.
“The Lord of the Rings” uses this imagery when it describes the main antagonist as the “Dark Lord,” Sauron.
Darth Vader, in "Star Wars,” pleads with his son, Luke, “If you only knew the pow-wer of the dark side.” Light represents good and darkness, evil.
Light is truth, purity, and righteousness, while darkness represents lies, evil, and nefarious activity.
This metaphor originated at creation.
Genesis 1:3-4 says, “Then God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness.”
God saw that the light was good.
Interestingly, darkness is not explicitly created by God, it simply exists. He does not use any adjectives to describe the darkness. He simply separates the light from the dark.
It’s been said that darkness is simply the absence of light. Perhaps that is why God describes light as good and fails to say anything about the darkness.
Darkness, in and of itself, is really nothing but a void. It is nothing really…until we choose to use it to hide from the light.
From a very early age, it’s as if we understand the truth of this ancient, biblical dichotomy between light and dark without ever being explicitly taught.
As kids, we’re scared of the dark before ever being taught that there is anything in the dark to be scared of. It is the unknown, the secrecy, that concerns us.
We suspect that what we don’t know will hurt us. Most kids feel much more secure with the lights on. Night lights and leaving the bedroom door cracked provide some relief because it allows light into the darkness and helps reveal what is hidden.
I was much more willing to go into my grandparents’ dark, scary cellar with the lights on than with them off. But even then, it was rare because the lighting wasn’t very good down there and scary, dark corners abounded.
I could not bear descending into the dark abyss lest something jumps out and attacks me. If I had to venture into dark places I moved as quickly as possible and the tingle up my spine would inspire me to literally sprint out of the room.
Sadly, later in life, the darkness became my place of hiding, a refuge of isolation where I would indulge my fantasies without fear of anyone finding out.
Eventually, through the painful, yet liberating, experience of being enveloped by God’s light did I discover three characteristics of a man empowered by the light. I’ll share those characteristics of empowered manhood in my next post.
